Obama’s Last State of the Union Address

Here’s my prediction of how it will go. Someone will have to let me know because I won’t be watching.

Good evening.

Actually, there is nothing good about it.

American citizens still own GUNS–

Guns that maim and murder, guns that wreak havoc on our society– (wipes eyes)

a society that is riddled with RACISM–

Ugly, hateful, insidious racism– (wipes eyes)

Racism that only exists because white Americans are angry that I–a BLACK MAN–was elected President by an overwhelming majority of forward-thinking, rational people who desired to bring about fundamental CHANGE in this nation–

A nation that is an EMBARRASSMENT to me on the world stage– (wipes eyes)

A world stage that is set for monumental IDEOLOGICAL TRANSFORMATION–

A transformation that will create a world where racism and homophobia and income inequality and gun ownership and anti-choice radicals are erased from society–

A society that is riddled with racism — ugly, hateful–

<TELEPROMPTER MALFUNCTIONS> (sobs and wipes eyes)

uh…racism…guns…homophobia… ahem…America is at its worst even though I have been campaigning…uh…ahem…working these past seven years to golf…uh…fundamentally change this pathetic country into one that the Muslim Brotherhood…uh…the poor, the tired, the weary…are proud to call destroyed…ahem…home.

<TELEPROMPTER BACK ON>

Ahem. As your President, I vow to finish what I started in 2008. I promised change and I will continue to deliver that change. However, if I am unable to follow through on any of my promises, let me just say right here that the fault lies completely with George Bush and racist America and homophobes and anti-choice radicals and gun owners and Fox News.

So, on this, my last State of the Union Address, I bid you goodnight. And God bless Planned Parenthood. (wipes eyes)

 

Janice Powell 2016

Just for the record, it was difficult to type that last line…

 

 

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